“Why is it that we want to be like our dad even though he is absent?”
Because he is our dad. That’s the simple answer.
We want to be like them because we are them. They created us so of course we are going to inherit some of their traits.
Do we want to be like them in order to impress them so that they like us? Or approve of us? It’s almost like the thinking is, “They have to like themselves so if I can be like them then maybe they will like me.”
But I think it also goes back to our intrinsic desire to be a part of a community. We want to be a part of a tribe. You want your dad to usher you into the tribe. You want him to approve of you as a person so you are seen as a valued member of the tribe. Because if your own tribe does not accept you, then who will? And will any tribe even be willing to accept someone who was rejected by their own tribe?
Then you begin to question your own worth and value and two things will happen: you will try harder to impress your own dad in order to get accepted or you will feel dejected and become a loner.
Neither are great options. You will exhaust yourself trying to seek the approval of your dad and if he ever approves will it be enough?
As a loner, you no longer are contributing to a tribe. You do not have any purpose so you spend most of your life just wandering around aimlessly.
So I ask again, why do you want to be like your absent dad?
I believe the reason for this is that at a deeper level we were created by God the Father who put the longings of being loved by the Father and to be part of a community into our hearts. We chase after our own fathers because we instinctively know that they are supposed to love us, mold us, protect us, and guide us. They should be willing to give their life for us. They should be proud of us simply because we are theirs. They should accept us and bring us into the community that is our family so we can be known and loved.
How do we know they are supposed to do these things? Because that’s how God the Father, Creator of all life, acts towards mankind, His Creation. We were made in the image of God so you could say that his fingerprints are all over us.
Some of you got this with your dad. He was present and showed you how a father loves. Some of you did not get this. And have been searching for it all your life.
You need to search no more, simply accept. Turn towards your Heavenly Father and accept the invitation to be called a son or daughter of God the Father.
“…and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.” -2 Corinthians 6:18
“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,” -John 1:12
“14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.” -Romans 8:14-17