“Are you being driven or dragged by something?.. Most of our lives are dragged by insecurity and shame. They are not driven by ambition.”
-Steven Bartlett
Steven goes on to say that being dragged isn’t necessarily a completely bad thing because many people have gone on to do great things in response to the shame they felt at a certain time. The key he explains is, “Whatever force it is, it comes down to the why.”
As crude as it might be, this illustration works for me: Would you rather be forever dragged behind a car or drive the car? Yes, shame can take us places but you are being driven by someone else’s choices. Why not get into the driver’s seat and begin to see where you are being driven? Then you have a choice if you want to continue that way or make a U-turn.
For most of my life, I was dragged by my dad. Most kids grow up wanting to be like their dad, I grew up not wanting to be like him. I did not want to repeat the mistakes that had caused my brother and I so much pain. This motivation dragged me through most of my life.
Sure I thought this “motivation” worked for a bit but when my marriage ended, I realized that I needed to get into the driver’s seat. I needed to change my “why.”
Instead of thinking, “I never want to be like him”, I begin to think “How can I become the best version of myself?”