“The average child today experiences the same level of anxiety as a psychiatric patient did in the 1950’s.”
-American Psychological Association
What’s so different today that is causing kids these days so much anxiety? Where does this anxiety come from? It’s not like there is a depression or war or anything going on that would impact them like previous generations. Right now, we live in one of the most peaceful and prosperous times our nation has ever known. Kids these days have access to anything they want and they can have most of it delivered right to their front door.
So again, what could possibly be causing all this anxiety?
I point my finger at parents and phones.
Now before you write me off, let me explain that I don’t blame all the problems of this current generation on these two things. Everyone has to take responsibility for their own actions, attitudes and words but I do believe these two things have attributed to the anxiety of kids these days.
PHONES
This one is easy to see how it causes students anxiety. Tell me someone who isn’t stressed out by their phone. The issue according to author Brian X. Chen is that “we are constantly connected to a global internet community via handheld, incredibly capable gadgets with ubiquitous access to data” and as the title of his book suggests we are “always on.”
There is always one more text, email, or comment to respond. Another video to watch. It never ends. The Internet does not run out.
You remember the scene in Toy Story 2 where Al falls asleep in front of the TV? Do you remember the part where the American flag comes on the TV and then a voice says, “that concludes our broadcast day?” TV programming used to end. How crazy is that? Now you may be thinking like me that it would be great if the Internet did the same thing but that doesn’t solve anything. The issues will still be there in the morning and that’s the problem. Now with our ability to always be connected, we don’t have the chance to truly disconnect.
According to a new study from Pew Research Center, “92% of teens report going online daily — including 24% who say they go online “almost constantly.”**
And this is only half of it. Another study reported that young adults between the ages of eighteen and thirty-three interact with their phones eighty-five times a day…but the even crazier part is that most of those young adults thought they spent about half that time.
Let me ask you this question: When’s the last time you turned your phone off? And not just to restart it but intentionally turned it off for an extended length of time?
PARENTS
I think our students have anxiety because they are afraid to fail. They believe that if they fail then their lives are all over. In my previous post I talked about how parents’ fear for their kids has turned into paranoia and it is impacting kids in a negative way. The other side of the equation is that parents also go to ludicrous lengths to make sure their kids do not fail. In effort to be good parents, parents struggle to set up boundaries for their kids and end up burning out their kids on the very thing that used to bring them joy.
Going back to Tim Elmore and his book, Generation Z Unfiltered, he puts it this way:
The message parents send:
We believe in you and will spare no expense to develop your talent on behalf of the sport you love most.
However, the feelings the kids often have are:
My parents spent a lot to do this for me; I dare not let them down. I can’t let my mom and dad know I am burnt out on this activity. I am constantly stressed out to make sure I perform perfectly.
Elmore goes onto say that,
“We are a generation of extremes. Parents intend to do what’s best for the kids, but we frequently don’t know how to develop them into emotionally healthy young people. We tend to think: if a little is good, more is better” (136).***
APPLICATION
So, what can we as adults and parents do to help out our kids?
In both cases, we need to set up healthy boundaries.
Phone boundaries
First, can we quit giving smartphones to grade school kids? I would even go as far as to say that you should wait until at least a kid is 16 to get them a phone.
Who cares if Facebook says a 13 year old can sign up for an account. Do you let your 13-year-old go into the world and sign up for something without your consent? No. Then why do we allow it online? Be that parent who gives their kid a dumb phone then talk to your kid about why they don’t have a phone. Quit letting culture dictate when your kid gets a phone.
Second, why is it we make kids go through such a lengthy process to get their driver’s license but will just hand over a phone to them without any instruction?
It takes years to get a license so why not the same with a phone? Have you ever taken the time to talk to your kids about the benefits and dangers of a phone?
Parent boundaries
Give your kid some space. Be the trapeze net to catch them if they fall, not the safety harness that prevents them from falling.
We have to let our children fail to really empower them. It is the only way they will learn. Besides, it’s better they fail now under your protection instead of out in the world on their own. Teach them to not take failure personally. Their failures do not define them. What defines them is how they react to failure. Everyone will fail but only a great leader will learn from that failure. I have to say it again, EVERYONE FAILS! Give your kid a break!
As great as all of these are, it does not matter if mom and dad do not lead the way. Parents, healthy phone usage and boundaries have to start with you. Please quit taking your kids out to eat just to sit on your phone the whole time. Enjoy some small talk with them!
Create some margin in your life. When’s the last time you have been bored? Or took a walk? What about a nap? The pace our culture is moving at is unsustainable. We have to slow down and disconnect or we all are going to become overwhelmed by anxiety.
*Chen, Brian X. Always on: How the IPhone Unlocked the Anything-Anytime-Anywhere Future–and Locked Us In. Boston, MA: Da Capo Press, 2012.
**Lenhart, Amanda. “Teens, Social Media & Technology Overview 2015.” Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech, Pew Research Center, 31 Dec. 2019, http://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2015/04/09/teens-social-media-technology-2015/.
***Elmore, Tim, and Andrew McPeak. Generation Z Unfiltered: Facing Nine Hidden Challenges of the Most Anxious Population. Atlanta, GA: Poet Gardener Publishing in association with Growing Leaders, Inc., 2019.