I would say that one of the main goals my wife and I have for our children is that they would grow up to be independent. What I mean by this is that they are able make it on their own. That they would be self-sufficient. They would be a contributing member to society. I would say this is a goal for most if not all parents and would go as far to say that should be a main goal for all parents. You have 18 years to develop characteristics in your child that will help them make it on their own so what are doing now to prepare them?
Expect more out of them.
My 4 year old son enjoys playing with Legos. For his birthday he was given Hulk-buster IronMan Armor from the Avengers movie…yes I know I am crazy because I was the one who got to put it together. And then I was a little overprotective of it because I put in all this work and didn’t want him to destroy it. Well, this little stinker took me by surprise. Not only did he take it apart and put the pieces in his Lego tub, he then found all the pieces and put it back together on his own! Our kids are capable of way more than we give them credit for so we should look for ways to give them opportunities to discover their gifts and talents.
Give them something meaningful to do.
I grew up working on various farms during my high school and college years. I have always been blown away that farmers trust teenagers to run their business. Farmers are willing to put a teenager in charger of a $100,000 plus piece of equipment and says get it done. I have driven tractors, combines, semi-trucks, front-loaders, four-wheelers all as a teenager. And for the most part it was fine (umm sort of…don’t ask my first boss about this. He will definitely be triggered…). But the point was that I was given something meaningful to do. I got to be a part of the whole process and was responsible for the outcome. It was satisfying to work all day and then have the satisfaction of completing such a grand task by myself.
Give them clear expectations at the beginning.
How many of you would want to open up a new board game that had no instructions and try to play it? It’s the same when we give our kids a task to do without giving them any expectations beforehand. Set the expectations at the beginning. Make it clear what you expect of them and what will happen if they don’t meet the expectations. Then repeat them all again. After that have them repeat them back to you. Then follow up after the task is complete to see if they met the expectations.
Lastly, let them fail!!!Failure is the best teacher. I loved working on the farm for this reason. When you are out in the middle of nowhere and your equipment breaks and the only tool you have are your pliers, you have to get creative. There is no internet service so you can’t Google your problem. Your boss is too busy to come and help so you are on your own. And most of the time you figure out the problem and keep going. We need to teach our kids that failure is ok. We need to teach them to remain calm when they fail, assess the situation and then work on a plan to move forward. It might be that they can fix the problem on their own or they may need to call for help but either way they take care of the situation.
Here is the hard truth about all of this: Even if you take all these steps to help your child take responsibility, they still have to take ownership. If they are not motivated then this is all for nothing. They won’t do it. But this should not be an excuse for us to not expect more of them. Our motivation as parents should be the end not the now. We need to play the long game. Giving our kids everything now and not expecting anything of them, will ruin them in the future. Make your kids work for new stuff, teach them the importance of earning a dollar, give them tasks you know they will fail so you can teach them how to succeed.
We all need someone who pushes us to do more than we thought we could.
We all need meaningful work in our lives to give us meaning.
We all thrive when we know the expectations ahead of time.
Where would we be if those who have gone before us gave up the first time they failed?