“Do you want to be helped, hugged or heard?”
Charles Duhigg, Supercommunicators, 32.
Wow, I wish I had read this earlier in my kids’ lives but will take it now. Man, I would have even appreciated it for my previous marriage.
Instead of trying to guess what someone is feeling, just ask then listen. How many times husbands have you had a fight with your wife and walked away asking yourself, “Why is she so upset?” Or your kid comes crying to you for what seems like no apparent reason.
This a great way to help kids express their feelings. Most of the time, kids don’t know what they need. This gives them an easy way for you, the parent, to help them navigate what is happening inside them.
This would also be super helpful for guys in communicating with their wives since guys tend to struggle to know what their wives need. Instead of listening to figure out what problem needs to be solved and jumping right into “fix it” mode, they would be able to connect with their wife and her needs.
Your wife doesn’t always need you to fix things, sometimes she just needs a hug.
Honestly, we all could use a hug.
Not a bad place to start when you see your kid or spouse is upset. Give them a hug and then ask, “Do you need help, more hugs, or just someone to listen?”