“Great another argument that got us nowhere!”
“Now both of us are upset and we don’t know why.”
We all have been here before so what can we do when facing these type of situations?
Have you ever stopped and asked yourself, “What do I really want?”
If we are honest, most of the time in our arguments we forget the original purpose. The other person triggers something in us that causes us to either flee or fight.
I don’t flee…I fight…and fight…and then am stubborn and will argue to prove I was right even if I know I am wrong.
Let me tell you, that is a solid strategy…
Especially when dealing with kids. Yelling at kids just shuts them down. Arguing leads to nowhere but an exasperated child.
I have been working to step back and ask myself, “What do I want out of the conversation?”
That question is enough to put water on my anger and allow me to think clearly again. This usually leads to an apology before proceeding with the conversation.
What do I want out of this conversation?
Resolution not resentment.
Connection not strife.
The easiest way to achieve connection during a conflict? Change “you” to “they.”
“What do they want out of this conversation?” Nowyou are not only seeing things clearly from your perspective but you begin to see it from theirs as well. You will begin to see what they want and can more easily work to come to a solution that works for both parties.