You’ve probably heard phrases like, “Just move on” or “let it go.”
Here’s the thing: real healing doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean erasing memories, rewriting history, or ignoring the pain.
It means facing it — and growing through it.
One of the ways to face it is to quit grieving alone. John Delony says, “grieving demands a witness.” He goes on to say “grieving is about not keeping secrets. It’s about being known and heard. About saying things out loud.”
Healing is also learning to carry the weight differently. It’s recognizing the lessons in what you went through. It’s owning your story without being owned by it.
You don’t need to forget what happened.
But you do get to choose what happens next.
A great way to begin to own your story is to write things down as they happen or as you process through them. Again, John Delony says that writing “helps create distance and perspective. Writing things down creates clarity.”*
By writing things down you will begin to see patterns of how you respond to certain situations or what things cause you to breakdown. With this clarity, you begin to be aware of things as they are happening so you can respond in healthy ways.
That perspective shift will help you realize that your pain can shape your purpose.
Instead of just being a passive victim to your pain, you begin to face it head-on.
That’s where the growth begins.
*Delony, J. (2022). Own your past, change your future: A not-so-complicated approach to relationships, mental health, and Wellness. Ramsey Press.