“It is sheer foolishness and utterly pointless for us to deviate from behaving responsibly simply because someone will get angry at us if we do.”
David J. Lieberman, Ph. D.
I can almost hear the disdain coming from the people pleasers…that is if they voiced their opinion instead of trying to make everyone happy.
The key phrase to this quote is “behaving responsibly.” This isn’t a free pass to go be rude to everyone and then blame them when they get upset.
Rather, it’s about being confident in what needs to be said even if the other person gets offended. It goes against everything in my Midwesterner body to possibly offend someone.
Ope. The waiter gave me chicken instead of steak. That’s alright, I will still eat it. They must be having a rough day.
Being assertive and telling someone you don’t approve of or appreciate their behavior, then having them yell at you for being mean. Or setting up boundaries to keep them from hurting you again only to have them throw a temper tantrum.
I wasted way too much time getting angry at others for acting a certain way but never addressing the issue. At the end of the day, I wasn’t mad at them but was upset with myself for not saying anything.
I’ve come to realize that I would rather deal with someone’s momentary anger that rarely has anything to do with me instead of living with the guilt of knowing I should have stood up for myself but never did.