“In the gap between where we are and where we want to be, we find instability – the breeding ground of anger.” –David J. Lieberman, Ph.D.
That’s it! That’s the feeling I have been trying to define.
For years it just ate at my soul. It’s that feeling that there had to be more because the life I was living was killing me.
I was always frustrated and on edge. Any critique could set me off. I was numb emotionally because I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms rather than dealing with the feelings.
How did I get here?
I don’t blame my parents or childhood for how I am today but I understand the profound impact those things had on me.
I grew up learning that I needed to protect and take care of myself in the chaotic world of my childhood. I did whatever it took.
I would call this self-preservation. Naturally, we want to care for ourselves first. This is a good thing but there’s a fine line before it turns into egocentrism.
Short term this might work but long term it’s devastating.
The gap I felt was me trying to move forward but being sabotaged by my ego. It would jump in to “protect” me at any cost.
My ego had to die if I was going to have a chance at closing the gap and moving into a better version of me. That’s where freedom and stability are found.