“What did you do this weekend?”
“I had soccer practice…”
“Wait, you are playing soccer?”
Silence.
Let’s back up. How did we get here?
Your ex asks if a kid can do a certain activity. You say no, they say yes. Stalemate…until the other parent decides to let the kid do it anyway.
This situation isn’t unique just to divorced parents. We all face situations where a decision must be made but disagree. It can happen between married couples, friends, family members, or co-workers.
So how do you respond?
My initial reaction is anger. Until recently I just vented my frustrations to others but usually it would just be to my kids. Then I had the earlier interaction with my child and I saw the worry in their eyes.
I had a choice to make: feed into their worry that dad was going to be upset or flip the script. Was I upset at the situation? Yes. Did I feel justified to vent and defend my decision? Yes. Was it going to make the situation better if I unloaded on my child? No.
It was interesting but just before I thought about unloading, I had a thought. I know right? I surprised myself as well. What if we approached this differently? My kids shouldn’t be scared to share with me things they are excited about so let’s choose to love.
“Tell me more about your soccer.”
My pride can take a back seat because my kid’s feelings are why more important in this moment.